Why Lost is a Piece of Shit...

I myself have never watched an episode of the much lauded series Lost. I remember the pilot appearing on television and kind of said to myself, "I must watch that", but I never bothered. I am delighted I didn't because I can also say now that it is a pile of shit and that I most likely (I can't remember every single instance) did more constructive, life-enhancing things with my time like searching for images of the Virgin Mary in toast.

How, you may ask, can I make such a condemnation of a show I have never watched?

Simple. The whole allure of Lost is that people watching it pretty much have no fucking idea what's going on. Now, this is not the same as other TV series where people have no idea what's going to happen. Instead, Lost keeps people tuned in because they ultimately want to find out what the island is and how everything ties together.

However, they will never get a satisfactory answer to that question.

Yes, surely the writers will come up with some sort of ending for the show - but that ending will be resoundingly considered "a complete let down" and "a betrayal of the show".

The reason for this is that the creators (obviously continuing the series at the behest of the networks, seeking revenue from a show with big viewing numbers) have no fucking idea themselves about what way it will end.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh, but they have to know what it's all about - there's so many things pointing to it". No, there's not. There's a bunch of weird shit happening. Disabled people being able to walk again, mysterious "Others", fucking tropic polar bears, time travel - and loads of other random 'Wow' shit like that.

If the shows creators had a final concept for what was going on on the island - and in the series in general - from the get-go, then doesn't it make sense that they would have a definitive notion of the length that the show can run for? That is, to stay true to what was actually happening, they wouldn't have much control over the length that the show can ultimately run for.

I'll give you a concrete example from another show, Heroes.

In season one of Heroes (which I watched, and actually enjoyed), the writers knew exactly where they were going with the whole thing. The series was structured as if the writers knew what the final resolution of the season would be from the very beginning. Of course, the viewers did not - hence it was fairly successful. Problem: the writers hadn't a fucking clue where to go after that initial series and, predictably, series two and three were a joke. What the fuck was going on nobody knew - especially not the writers.

Lost has this very same problem. However, due to the nature of the show (i.e. the mysterious premise of the whole thing) they can get away with it, because people don't get the these-cunts-haven't-a-clue-where-they're-going-with-this vibe as readily as with a 'straight' series like Heroes or Prison Break (with which the exact same happened after series one).

If you watch the show, and you want to do a practical experiment, try this: ask yourself what final ending and explanation of Lost would truly surprise and impress you?

There's pretty much one answer for anyone even approaching the average intelligence mark - and that's "none". There is no ending that will surprise anyone who watches the show because the show has gone on for too fucking long and people now expect a shocking ending that cannot possibly come about because there is simply nothing that shocking in the Universe.

I kid you not. Unless the writers of Lost actually discovered Jesus Christ himself living somewhere on earth and they convinced him to stay in their mansion in the Hollywood Hills and to reveal himself to the world in the final episode then the shows final climax will be a let-down.

People have run through every permutation of possible ending: it's a government experiment; they're all dead and in heaven/hell/purgatory; it's a parallel universe; it's a dream/nightmare; and on and fucking on, ad infinitum...

Do you know how far outside the box the writers would have to think to come up with a surprise ending? So far outside that as soon as they conceived the surprise ending their fucking heads would explode, that's how far.

The only way that they could possibly end Lost on a high note would be to screen a final episode whereby the writers are all sitting in a room and they basically say to viewers, "well, assholes, I can't believe you wasted so much time watching the show - we haven't written a final script and we never will".

Sure, this would piss off the millions of people who've steadfastly watched the show - but remember, like I said above, they will be pissed off no matter what happens. At least with this ending the rest of us will get a laugh.